The Nursery Files; Entry Ten.

Please note: This isn’t a series that I’m doing to brag about how privileged I am, how much stuff I have or to make others feel bad. Some have expressed interest in me documenting the process of me setting up my nursery/playroom and I figured here would be a great place to do so.

So we’ve made it, friends. I started the process of documenting this whole experience on July 14th of 2019 and almost a year later, I’m finished. I learned a lot about myself along the way through this process as cliche as it sounds and I think it’s made me grow not only as a little but as a whole damn person. If you’ve been with me from the beginning of this process, thank you. If you’re a new friend and this is either your first time on my blog or haven’t read the other entries in The Nursery Files, I suggest you do so. You can check them all out here. While this part of the series is coming to a close, for now, I still have a lot of information and things to share about nurseries and setting them up and all that so I’m looking forward to sharing those thoughts with you all as well.

So here we go!

First, here we have the before and after of what the walls looked when I picked its color. Picking my wall color was pretty hard, I’m not going to lie. I struggled with a lot of like doubt if I was picking the right one and if it was too light or even too dark. I also felt like picking this color along with the things I like would make it harder for me to convince others that I’m nonbinary but I got that thought out of my head quickly as that’s a them problem and not a me one because I know who I am.

The color reminds me of the purple Molicares, which is pretty funny given that they were the first diaper I tried. At the end of the day, I’m really happy with the color I picked. It’s calming and that’s what I was going for with this room given that it’s my space to unwind and be happy.

Then we have the door to my nursery. I wanted to buy a proper sign for the door but I couldn’t settle on one that I loved and then one day at a craft store, I saw the chalkboard and it was like lightning struck. This allows me to be able to post messages on there and change it as I want. I’ve settled on “Never Grow Up” as I found it fitting for the nursery. The chalkboard was plain wood and Daddy painted it a similar purple to my nursery’s walls and then added some iridescent glitter glaze over it to make it pop a bit more.

Yeah, so I know. That is…..bad. It looked a little less awful when the crib wasn’t in the room because the boxes had room to exist and weren’t totally piled up to the ceiling. Going through the boxes was a very hard part of the process, especially as I had to make some really hard choices as to what I wanted to keep and what I wanted to find new homes for. A lot of the things that I had, I’ve had since I started to explore my little side but, quite honestly, I grew out of. So it was nice to be able to find new homes for things so that they can hopefully be appreciated. Even to this day I’m still making cuts to my little stuff and I don’t think I’ll ever really stop, especially as we’re always growing and changing and might not love something as much as we did at one point. This was also the point where I realized just how much My Little Pony; Friendship is Magic and owl related things I had as that was suppose to be my original theme for my nursery instead of it being a full representation of me.

It’s amazing what a year can bring, right? Same spot, almost a year later and it looks like an entirely different room. You can actually see the floor! This is a basic overview of the nursery, there’s the cube storage, changing table, Ziggy, stuffie shelves, stuffie bins, and the crib.

I welcome you to my nursery. Let’s continue to look up close at the other changes that were made to the room!

This panda picture was one of the first piece I got for the nursery. I picked it up on one of my first visits to meet Daddy’s family and I just fell in love with it.

The changing table was one of the pieces that received a pretty drastic makeover. When I picked it up with my friend, Honey, it was disgusting. It smelt of stale cigarettes, had holes, and desperately needed a cleaning. However, beggars can’t be choosers and with a little DIY love, it’s now a super cute space to get your diaper changed, use as a table for arts and crafts, or sit on! I’ve gone back and forth if I really wanted to keep it out as it does take up a lot of space and forced me to change the whole layout of the room when I was almost done with it. But it does add valuable seating, which is what my room needs. Also, after having my diaper changed on it a few times it definitely has made me feel super baby and smol.

Big Ass Panda (BAP) is currently the guardian of the changing table with Buns hiding behind him for protection. My Sanrio Buildabears, one of my small Monster High plushes, and a macron kitty stuffie are sitting on it to add some cuteness to it too. Let’s talk about the fabric for the changing table for a second. I was really unsure as to what I wanted and walked around the fabric store for a while until I saw this beautiful pastel galaxy-y print with subtle white stars on it. It just made my heart flutter and I knew I needed it. I found some backup fabric just in case this one was sold out when I came back for it but I had the best feeling about it.

Due to the fabric being like fleece-y and the fact that this space is going to be used by others, I knew I needed a plastic covering so I ordered mine from a massage table supply site. It can easily be wiped down after use or if someone wants to you can put down a changing pad too. The blanket that is laying on the end of the changing table is more for decoration than to act as a pad but could be used if someone is feeling a little shy or cold.

While we’re talking about the changing table, let’s go to the cloud shelves above it!

I got one of the cloud shelves from Target at full price and the other I got off of Marketplace for $10. I like how they’re stacked so it looks like that Baby Hugs & Tugs are floating by. It made sense to me to have powder and lotion on the bottom shelf as well as wipes, which are in the Hello Kitty case! Baby Hugs is protecting the supplies. The top shelf has one of my Care Bear diaper bags, Care Bear baby wipes that my local grocery store sometimes has and Baby Tugs just hanging out.

From there let’s go check out the diaper shelf.

My diaper shelf has seen many different configurations. I’ve been kinda obsessed with how it looks and I’ve tried to make it flow perfectly but that wasn’t making me happy. So I did what felt right and this is what I came up with. It’s a white bookshelf with my Care Bear cubs are on the top and first shelf as they’re babies and it makes sense to have them with the diapers, along with a container I got originally for my pacis but when that didn’t work out it became a lollipop jar. So whoever is getting changed can pick out a diaper and if they’re good a lollipop when they’re all nice and clean! The diapers are sort of organized by type; I have the pink diapers with the pink diapers, the multi-color diapers with the multi-color diapers and so on and so forth. The bin on the bottom has some extra wipes and powder so that I can keep the room stocked up nicely. I’m going to try to have different powders as everyone likes different things but it’ll mostly have my favorite- lavender cornstarch. Oh and my little otter buddy likes to sleep on the diapers when they aren’t on my crib.

If you’ve read this series from the beginning or checked out the link in the beginning of the post, I often reference heart tables. I decided to only use one of them in the nursery and here’s what it looks like now….

I decided on a soft pink for this table though at first, it reminded me more of Pepto; once it dried though, it grew on me! I left the top shelf open so that whoever is in the crib can have an extra place to put things other than the little organizer thing hanging on the bars. I also have a picture a friend of mine drew of me, a rattle-y Jellycat Bunny, and my carousel horse and baby unicorn squishables on it. It’s not a super sturdy table so it isn’t something I’d like lean on or something but it’s handy for my glasses.

Behind it, I have more stuffie storage in the form of a unicorn bean bag chair. I saw this idea on Mindlessly Diapered’s nursery tour on her Youtube channel and I knew I needed one. Again, I have a seating issue in my room and the bean bag stuffie bin helps with that. I can also fit a lot of my stuffies in there and they stay nice and safe even with sitting on it. Stardust, my big pink unicorn, is also resting on it for now. You can also see my curtains! I couldn’t find any I liked in stores so I had to check online and found these super cute star ones! I was scared that the grey would be too dark but I was very pleasantly surprised by how it’s the perfect shade! They also work really well to keep out light when I’m napping in the crib!

I know a lot of you are waiting for the crib photos but I’m going to make you wait a little bit longer, haha. Onto some of my bookshelves!

I found this first white bookshelf for $25 at a thrift store and it’s one of my favorite finds with how perfect it is. I didn’t have to do anything to fix it up and I’m really happy about that. Regardless, here’s the before & after photo of it!

This was taken early on in the process of setting the room up. At this point the crib was being used for stuffie storage and the closet wasn’t even close to being finished yet.

This shelf has some of my favorite things on it. At the top we have some rattle cubes, a Hello Kitty rattle, some of my My Little Pony figures, my stuffie rattle from Kinky Stuffies, rattle unicorn, another Hello Kitty (this time wearing one of my tiaras), a play cube, some Kumas, and my Num Nom waffle who looks like they’re cumming. That waffle was given to me by Honey at our last event we were able to have in public for the MD group. I couldn’t win one so I was going to buy one online but she gave me hers! The second shelf has some other super cute things like some blocks, a rainbow teether, vintage phone toy, Strawberry Shortcake, and a rubber duck. Moving down to the third shelf, there’s loads more My Little Ponies, some blocks and stacker toys, a needlepoint picture a friend made for me, and one of those bead maze things. The bottom shelf has two more rubber ducks named Mia Duckmopolis Princess of Ducknovia, and Lady Quack Quack. I also have a Furby, a rainbow and cloud themed bead maze, my Hello Kitty tea set, my coloring bin, an interactive panda bank, and my cat piano. The shelves kinda have a theme of going from pastel to primary and then back to pastel. Another Kuma and my large stacker toy guard the shelf while my ring light sits in the corner.

Above that bookshelf sits a stuffie net. I was very apprehensive about putting one up as I’ve never had good experiences with them. But I’m really liking how my queer family of build a bears sits in the net. While they aren’t marketed as LGBTQ+ stuffies by BAB, I’ve always viewed them that way and I’ve collected just about all of the ones that have come out in the last 6 years. There are some older ones I want to get my hands on too that are rainbow-themed and one even has the bi-flag colors..

Next comes the closet, which is consistently being worked on. Above the closet sits my favorite masks. I view them as the keepers of the other monsters and they act as protectors…unless prompted otherwise. 😉 They don’t have names though. Playing with fear is a big part of my kink so it felt only natural to have them on display as they’re big parts of who I am.

My plan is to rotate out clothes so it’s not always the same stuff in there. I also put some of my more little vanilla clothes in there too so it’s all in one spot. Right now there’s a lot of my favorite Onesies Downunder onesies, some stuff from Lil Kink Boutique, and a few other pieces I’ve found randomly along my way. On the top shelf, which isn’t pictured, I have bins of toys, other hair accessories, paci clips, mats, play rugs, and stuffies.

Below the clothes, I have my bloomer, plastic pants, and tutu sterlite bin and next to that I have my sippy cup & bottle bins. My reasoning for putting my cups and bottles in a sterilite type of thing is that if I ever get sick, I can just put the drawers in the dishwasher to clean them.

The next area has the shelf that has my paci & teether bin, my Puffalump lamp, paci clip stand, and books. I found this smaller white bookshelf with a scalloped top on Marketplace for $10 and it needed some work to keep the bottom trim from coming off when bumped.

This shelf has my pacis and teethers in the little panda bin, some of my Puffalumps, and my books on the bottom shelf. On top, there’s my Puffalump lamp, some more Puffalumps, a little bear I picked up from a consignment shop, and my paci clip stand, which Daddy made for me.

My bow holder has some of my favorite bows on it as well as some of my necklaces and the Rainbow Flag and Nonbinary Flag! I wanted to display my big flags but I ran out room to do so and decided on the smaller ones and I think they fit nicely there. I do want to get one of the Progress Pride Flags to put there too once I can find one in stock.

The paci clip stand was based on a necklace organizer I found at a thrift store. It was a long pole with some pegs coming out of it but when I tried to put some of my paci clips on it, they dragged on the base of the stand as it was too short. So Daddy and I took the base of the necklace stand, took a dowel rod from another project I was working on, and then took two of the pegs off of the original necklace stand and created our own.

And here’s the after. It’s a good height and even my longest paci clips don’t drag. it’s painted a smokey purple with some silver glitter. The glitter isn’t as smooth as I expected but I like the texture it gives the stand.

I got this panda name sign made at the local fair last year and I even have a Care Bear version too, which is what most people on Insta voted for me to have on display. However, the Care Bears that made up the design within my name looked like the confederate flag and I’m not about that. Plus, I feel that pandas aren’t as represented in my room despite being a panda and all. 😛 I love how playful they are and while the dark green doesn’t really go with the rest of my room, it’s just a small accent piece.

I love backpacks and bags and I’m so glad I have a place to show some of my favorites. I originally only had one peg board but it was hard to pick a few to display so I went and got another one. They’re painted a mint green and I feel like it works well with the overall color theme of my room.

The top row has my Hello Kitty plush bag and my Skip Hop bags; one is a panda, the other is a unicorn, then an owl, and a narwhal! The bottom one has my Skelanimals bag, another panda backpack, a diaper bag, my strawberry bag, and my Wish Bear bag! Next to it is a long mirror with a holographic trim that I was going to mount on the back of my door but I like that I can move it where I want to.

Are you having fun? We’re almost done, I swear!

Some of my favorite stuffies sit high above the cube storage. The top shelf has some Buildabears, JellyCats, Duffy & Friends, and Furry Bones. I like how the shelf represents a good chunk of who I am: cute & creepy. The bottom shelf has some of my Care Bears, which I’ve already ran out of room on!

I’m really happy with my cube storage units and I love how organized things are. I also have the option to add more bins should I need them but I really like how my empty spaces have been decorated. The bins hold various little and pet play related stuff! The light pink bin has rattles, the purple bin has some random little toys, the yellow bin has my pet play stuff, the teal bin has bibs, changing pads, bottle cozies, and things like that, the olive green bin has some of my sex toys, and the coral bin has some of my lovey blankets!

Here’s a closer look!

Here I have my pop art inspired baby bottle picture that I got a thrift store and lovingly call it my Babby Warhol, a little panda music box, more little pandas, my Bibsy Popple, unicorn speaker/nighlight. Next to that is my unicorn bracelet organizer, a little carousel horse figure I’ve had since I was a kid, and my Care Bear cup with my purple “Rebella” name straw!

The next side has two photos of my cats that are no longer living and one of their urns, a rainbow stacker toy to symbolize the rainbow bridge, a Calico Critters little cat figurine, another nightlight that projects stars on the ceiling, and some pixie dust in a bottle that I made at a little’s event.

My Magic Nursery Pets are some of my favorite vintage toys so they needed a good spot and I have two of them holding favorite rattles of mine. The one on the first shelf is a pink bear and it is holding a rattle in the shape of a baby bottle and next to it is a pink-themed stacker toy and a small little panda stuffie a friend got me! The Magic Nursery Pets on the second shelf are mint green and fuschia bears that are being propped up stacks of Care Bear wipes. The mint green one is holding a circular rattle with a spinning purple hart in the middle.

On the final empty shelf on the first cube storage, I have some of my favorite Disney pieces. I have my Ursula, Maleficent, and Peter Pan crew Tsum-Tsums, my funko Ursula plush and Disney Parks Baby Maleficent plush too! These characters are some of my absolute favorite ones and I feel that they don’t get enough love or representation as the should.

Then there’s my Bowie shelf! I have my lunchbox with his Aladdin Sane album cover on it, two of my favorite Bowie pacis that I had made, some mini-figures, the Halloween Jack one is my favorite, my rubber duck Ziggy Starduck, and Ludo from Labyrinth! The pacis I had made were by LittleSpace BigBaby, which was a really great shop that unfortunately doesn’t exist anymore. The owner made my WWBD and Life On Mars inspired pacis perfectly and they were my go-to for custom pacifiers for the longest time.

Then we have my Monster High dolls and spooky shelf. Admittedly, I didn’t really get into them to the extent of some friends of mine did but the movies are legit! I have Frankie Stein and Clawdeen Wolf sitting up front and Draculaura standing in the back as my doll of hers doesn’t sit. I then have my Winifred Sanderson Funko bank I got last Halloween and my little trick or treat cat plaque.

The final cube has my Tokidokis! I don’t know all of their names other than the Bowie one, obviously, but they’re super cute and I really like how they look and finish out the cube storage.

Ziggy also received a pretty big makeover. Ziggy was stripped down to its original wood base and then completely repainted white.

While my original plan to have the mane and tail be a vibrant reddish-orange didn’t work out how I had planned, I’m really happy with how my pastel backup came out. I’ll continue to try and get the result I want but for now, I really love how V2 of Ziggy looks. It makes me so happy to look at and play on it.

Daddy did the mane and tail and made sure that out of the pink, yellow, mint, and lavender that the mint and lavender were the forefront colors as they’re my favorites. The lightning bolt was done with metallic lavender paint and it pops so much in person. We also have a metallic mint that we might add to the bolt too.

And finally, the crib. When it arrived last year, it had some scuffs and needed a little TLC but was still in such great shape despite me being its third or fourth owner. We tried to get a sample so we could match the paint but it ended up not working out as planned so we picked a new white and just repainted the whole thing.

On it are a lot of my favorite Carebears and other toys. I have a vintage Care Bear mobile that plays “You Are My Sunshine,” a little organizer thing that has pockets for like sippy cups, pacifiers, phones, or really anything you want to put in it. It just makes me so happy to hang out in it and just relax. It’s one of my favorite pieces of my nursery and I’m so grateful to have it. I have other sheets and stuff for it too but right now I’m loving the mint green sheet set. I don’t have a comforter for it, yet, so I have a very pastel and baby-ish Wish Bear soft blanket on it right now.

So we’re at the end of our tour and I thank you all who have read through this long post, haha. I hope you all enjoyed it and again, thank you all for being part of this journey. ❤ This space isn’t just for me, it’s also for the community. I can’t wait until it’s safe enough to have events again so that others can come and play, explore, and be little.

Happy (almost) birthday to me!

So tomorrow, the 26th, I turn 29. It’s weird having a birthday in the middle of a pandemic, especially one that signifies the start of the end. Like going into 2020, I had the idea that I was going to be able to have a big birthday party with all my friends, and now it’ll just be me, Daddy, and Babygirl. There’s nothing wrong with that but it is drastically different from what I expected. As far as I know, we’re going to get food from somewhere and bring it back home and there’ll be ice cream cake. But that’s about it.

Daddy has already given me my present, which is a tent so I can make a play gym out of it. It’s a lot bigger than the ones I’ve seen my friends on social media make, which I’m sure will come in handy when IRL events can happen again. I already have the fabric for the pool noodles, a blanket for the base, and some toys to hang from it. I need to get some of those like links that are used to hang toys from strollers and stuff so I can make the toys hang better. I’m really looking forward to finishing it and using it. A good friend of mine sent me a birthday present that I got a kick out of; some color pencils, a coloring book, and a Hitachi. The combination just made me giggle so hard. But I love it and I’m sure they’ll all get very good use. 😛

Speaking of finishing things. My nursery is officially finished. Ziggy has their tail and mane all ready to be attached once it’s repainted, which we’re doing over today and tomorrow. We’ve stripped it down to its natural wood so we can do a better job on the paint this time than its original paint job. I’m excited. So with that being said, on Saturday June 27th I’ll be doing a nursery tour live on my Insta account! Which means I’ll be posting Nursery Files; Entry Ten either Sunday or sometime early next week. I was going to just use my phone to take the photos for the post, seeing how all the before photos were taken that way, but everything looks too good for that so I’m breaking out my real camera. I took some test shots last night in it and it made me want to use my real camera more again. The ease of having a decent camera in my pocket has made me lazy and I guess I was more burnt out than I realized when it came to photography and picking up my DSLR.

I’m going to try to get better and posting again. I have a lot of reviews coming out over the next month so I’m trying to come up with stuff to break them up a bit so it’s not just a giant page of reviews- haha. I think I might restart the “A Little Guide to” and “A Little Guide to Me” series and I’m sure as the weeks go by having finished my nursery and all, I’ll have some more Nursery Files posts to get up. There’s still more I want to talk about regarding the subject.

I hope you all are doing well and I can’t wait to share some photos with you all in the next post. ❤

A Plus Size Kid’s Guide to: Paci Emporium Pacifiers!

// This pacifier was not sent to me for promotional purposes. All thoughts and feelings are my own. //

I put out a call for shops to review and one name kept popping up, Paci Emporium. I reached out to the shop and mentioned that and how I’d love to do a post on one of their products and we quickly started to talk about doing a custom! The owner asked me what my interests are and what colors I like and then said that she would send me over some of what she has. The selection that I was sent over was wonderful and I really did have a hard time choosing which one I wanted for my pacifier. I ultimately decided on Wish Bear, because Wish Bear is best bear, on a mint green pacifier.

The price for the custom was $25, which I found very reasonable especially for the time the owner took to make sure the pacifier was perfect. I was sent an invoice via PayPal and paid promptly. My order was placed on April 29th and was shipped on May 5th and arrived on May 12th. The pacifier was shipped in a cute and very discreet mailer; it was also taped closed very well and was super secure. Opening it up, I found the pacifier in a separate bubble mailer, which made me feel even better knowing that my pacifier was shipped with care. Inside the additional mailer was my pacifier wrapped in bubble wrap with a thank you note, care instructions, and some stickers. I’ve been buying deco pacifiers for a while now and Paci Emporium comes close to having the most secure and carefully packaged pacifiers that I’ve ever received. I am very happy with how much care went into packing it up.

Photo is of two small packages. One is the pacifier wrapped up in clear bubble wrap. The other is a clear small wrapper with a mint green bow and polka dots on it. Inside of it there is a thank you note and care instructions.

On to the pacifier itself. I shrieked when I unwrapped it from the bubble wrapping. The pictures of it I saw before she mailed it out was pretty but in person it is STUNNING. The colors are so vibrant and it’s just everything I could have ever asked for in a custom pacifier. The mint green gems that match the paci itself shine bright but don’t take away from the beautiful pastel pieces lining the shield and handle. Also, and this could just be a me thing, but where the holes are on the paci’s shield look like stars with how the gems are laid out.

Photo is of a mint green pacifier covered in mint green gems and outlines with pastel rainbow pearls. The centerpiece is a mint green bear with a yellow shooting star on its tummy. It is also holding a rainbow heart balloon.

The pacifier doesn’t smell like glue and there isn’t any leftover glue that can be seen on the pacifier either; it’s a very clean piece. The centerpiece and gems are also glued down well and I’m not worried about them coming loose. However, like with all deco pieces, do be careful with how you handle and store them. I’m always overly cautious with my deco pacis, haha.

Photo is a closeup of the mint green pacifier covered in mint green gems and outlines with pastel rainbow pearls. The centerpiece is a mint green bear with a yellow shooting star on its tummy. It is also holding a rainbow heart balloon.

This is easily one of my favorite deco pacis that I own. Everything about it is just so me and I’m so impressed with how Paci Emporium is run and how helpful the owner is when it comes to creating the paci; her level of customer service in order to make sure the customer is satisfied is truly wonderful. While this is my first paci from Paci Emporium, it certainly won’t be my last.

Plus size person with purple hair sitting down. They have purple hair and have the mint green pacifier covered in mint green gems and outlines with pastel rainbow pearls. The centerpiece is a mint green bear with a yellow shooting star on its tummy. It is also holding a rainbow heart balloon in their mouth. They are  wearing a white onesie with pastel stars on it and they have a mint green stuffed bear with a yellow shooting star on its belly in their lap.

Hello Friends!

So we’re in a new month and a lot has happened in such a short amount of time. I decided to take a little break in order to amplify the voices that needed to be heard the most recently and to further educate myself on matters that I will never have first hand experience in being on the receiving end of. While I am back and will be posting again, don’t take that as a sign that the Black Lives Matter movement is over. This is just the beginning and I’m committed to helping the cause and actively fighting racism. Also, happy Pride Month to my fellow LGBTQ+ people! While it’s all good and fun to celebrate, please remember to reflect as to how and why we got our rights; Pride started as a riot and we still have a long way to go.

To pick up where we left off from my last blog post, my legs are still not working right and the back pain is a lot more subtle but it still locks up and I still get a sharp jolt through my lower back every so often and moving is still a challenge. I’m trying to walk up and down our apartment stairs each day to hopefully continue the progress of recovery. Some days I’ll use my cane, others I’ll try to do it without it but have it handy in case I need it. It’s just frustrating but I’ll push through. It’s also my birth month! I turn 29 on the 26th! COVID has put a damper on my plans as it has for many with birthdays that have fallen within the pandemic. Despite my state reopening a fair amount by then, I’m still unable to really do much of anything because of the risk category I fall in. But in good news, my Dad’s bladder cancer has not come back! I was really concerned about that because he just started to go back to work and having to take off to recover from the surgery would’ve put them in a bad spot.

Oh! Daddy and I finally got a washer and dryer and it was FREE! I’m super happy about that! We’re finally getting around to washing all the clothes we don’t really wear so we can donate them. I’m just so happy cause going to do laundry always gave me a migraine between the different soaps people use, the cleaning supplies the people who work there use (more so now with COVID than ever), and the lights. Laundromat lights are just terrible. So now I don’t have to leave my home to do it anymore!

The nursery is also pretty much done. I’m aiming to do a tour on my Insta on the 27th and then posting the final entry in the nursery files either the next day or that Monday. I still have to do Ziggy. The fabric dye didn’t work out so I’m being forced to use yarn. This should be interesting. I’m also doing a second pass of things that I can gift or rehome to people. I’m getting a decent amount together so that I hope i can make other littles happy.

That’s all that has been going on in my world. I hope you all are doing well and that everyone is staying safe. I’ll have some reviews coming out over the next few weeks so stay tuned for them too! ❤

Back pain & disappointment.

My weekend was uneventful and it had nothing to do with the fact that we have a pandemic going on. Sometime between Thursday night and Friday when I woke up, my body decided it would be a great time for a sciatic flare. I’ve been on light movement duties with an emphasis on bed rest and have been taking my pain meds so I don’t scare the neighbors when I do try to move or get up. Needless to say, I wasn’t coherent most of the weekend.

The thing that scared me the most about this flare was that it was the first one that has lasted a few days since I contracted Lyme Disease. When I was infected, I thought I was dealing with a sciatic flareup despite having some of the other symptoms of Lyme like the rash and the neurological issues. But at the time I was an uninsured kid who couldn’t afford going to the doctor for any sort of tests so I just adapted and lived as best as I could. This ended up with me being unable to lift my legs and in a wheelchair. So throughout this whole flareup, every once and a while, I’ll check to make sure I can lift up my legs and move them. I eventually was able to get to the doctor and get on the antibiotics, four months later, to fight the bacteria.

Unfortunately, I did need Daddy to clean me when I went to the bathroom (sorry if that’s TMI but I’ve always been real with you all) and when I showered because I couldn’t bend or twist or really move. I hate when he has to do things like that for me and I know I shouldn’t be ashamed or upset because he’s my Daddy and he loves me but it’s different when he’s doing something like that because I can’t versus he wants to be sweet and loving and wash me. Doing it because I can’t makes me cry and it takes the fun away from it and makes it seem like a chore. This is something I’ve struggled with since being infected. I really hate when Daddy has to take care of me versus when he wants to.

I think I’m also upset because this weekend I was going to finish my nursery and I laid around in bed only getting up to do my stretches and use the bathroom. I’m at the finish line and I just couldn’t do anything to further its progress. But it’s a new week and I’m determined to make the best of it even if I am still on bed rest. Bleh!

I’m feeling a bit better today and while I know I probably should take it easy, I’m going to shoot a bunch of content so I can start putting out the reviews I have sitting in my drafts. Hopefully my body doesn’t hate me too much after this!

I hope you all had a great long weekend and that your week started on a good note!

Don’t be Selfish.

The backbone of what we do as people into BDSM or ageplay is consent. This doesn’t just stop within our personal relationships or friendships but also includes our interactions with the world around us. This goes for events held in public settings, photo shoots outside, and how we present ourselves to the world. There are many ways to do all of these things in ways that do not blatantly expose those around us to what we are doing and who we are.

This is incredibly important when hosting or wanting to start hosting munches or other events held in public/vanilla settings. There are many who are not in a position of privilege to be out about their interests; that not only goes for how they are dressed and conduct themselves but those around them as well. By not taking into consideration the affects that your actions may have on those around you or those that you’d like to bring together, you are being selfish. There are also many who are new to exploring this aspect of themselves that might not feel comfortable, upon meeting people for the first time, screaming from the mountain tops who they are and what they’re into.

Taking into account the feelings of those around you who aren’t into -insert specific fetish or kink here- doesn’t make you weak or means your “oppressing” those who are coming out to your events. It means you’re saving a conversation that a parent might not want to have with their child as to why a grown person is dressed like an infant, or puppy, or has a leash attached to a collar. Even meeting in adult only spaces can be uncomfortable for patrons looking to have a nice night out with friends, family or even by themselves. Again, if you’re not considering the world around you are being selfish.

Specifically referring to ageplay, littles, and abdls- it’s not terribly difficult to dress in a little manner that doesn’t scream kink or fetish. Little-ish clothing is more popular than ever in mainstream fashion as well as when it comes to onesies that can double as quirky shirts. The same goes for wearing diapers. If you treat them like underwear, they shouldn’t be anyone’s business but your own. There’s so many subtle ways to still be out and proud about who you are that doesn’t harm those around you.

Point being, if you consider yourself an event organizer or community leader- you need to think about others and not just yourself. Sure, you may like to let your “freak flag” fly and not see anything wrong with it but others might have to be more private with their interests. It doesn’t make them less valid or less “worthy” of having a positive experience with others who may share the same interests. If you take away anything from this post, take away that everyone does things their own way and there’s no harm in having multiple spaces for people to meet up and make connections that fits their level of comfortablity and shaming them for finding a place where they feel comfortable is, once again, selfish.

Yes, Normalize Plus Size ABDL Models.

This has been on my mind for a while. So a good amount of time ago, I retweeted a tweet that repeatedly said “Normalize plus size abdl models!,” which I obviously very much agree with. I got to reading the replies to the tweet, which were largely positive….except there was one that really stood out to me. To sum up what this person replied with they believe that only up to a certain weight should plus size abdl models be accepted and anyone weighing more than a certain number should be excluded and it should serve as motivation to what they could ultimately do once they’re “healthy.” This person also included that they were on the bigger side as well.

What bothered me the most about what this person had to say is that they’re letting their body stop them from living the life they want to and is projecting what they think they can’t or shouldn’t do onto others. Meanwhile, the only limitations are really what they’re forcing on to themselves. There are ways to diaper yourself as a bigger person and plenty of diapers and clothing companies out there that do cater to plus size abdls and littles. They also tried to use fatshaming as motivation, which has been proven to not work and actually result in weight gain not loss. But I digress as this person isn’t the focus of the post just part of the catalyst.

It’s 2020, and while there has been an influx of plus size abdl content creators putting their own stuff out, there has yet to really be a plus size abdl on any of the “main” abdl or ageplay sites or within ageplay and abdl clothing & diaper companies with the exception being made for like three clothing/accessory companies. It’s really frustrating, especially when this community is so incredibly diverse to just see the same body types over and over again. Don’t get me wrong, every body is beautiful, but that’s just it…every body is beautiful and only one or two types are being represented. And it’s definitely a bullshit argument saying that plus size body types aren’t desirable when tags that are based around bigger body types are consistently on lists of most searched tags on porn sites and bigger bodies are being represented in clothing lines as well.

As a community, we need to lift up creators of all shapes and sizes and show that there’s more than just one way to look or be an abdl. Plus size abdls and littles are just as valid as those who are standard sized and it’s time that we start celebrating people who don’t fit this overally “idealized” cookie-cutter image of what a little or abdl “should” look like. People shouldn’t feel like they can’t be little or an abdl or -insert identifier here- for something like their appearance. Representation is important and it’s time that we start holding the companies in this community to a higher standard as this community is for everyone, 18+ obviously, and it needs to be shown as such.

P.S. You can substitute plus size for a variety of qualities that aren’t often celebrated in this community and is not limited to just plus size abdls and littles. I’m speaking from my experience and my point of view which is that of a plus size person.

A Plus Size Kid’s Guide to: LittleKittCat’s Bottle Cozies- Tall Size!

// Disclaimer: This product was sent to me for promotional purposes. However, all thoughts and feelings are my own! //

In my first review of LittleKittCat’s bottle cozies, I talked about the standard sized bottle cozies and in this one I’ll be reviewing her taller sized cozies.

The taller cozies are set to fit most 16-28oz bottles and are $12 + shipping. Right now, they come in a variety of colors such as lavender, buttercream frosting, starry night blue, candy dots, midnight magic, and hello kitty fuschia! LittleKittCat’s photos on Fetlife show more of the colors that she offers as well. There’s such a wide range of colors in the taller size, like the standard size, that there’s certainly one for everyone; these are truly for any little and are not gender specific.

Photo is comparing the tall size cozy to the standard size.
Tall size vs standard size.

I picked lavender for my tall cozy as it’s one of my favorite colors. Much like the standard sized cozies, my taller cozy arrived in a discreet mailer with no indication as to what was inside of it. The cozy is a deeper lavender, has darker purple sparkles throughout it, and also comes with a hairband to keep it from slipping off of the bottle. The taller cozy is just as high quality as the standard size one and as I’m finding more and more bigger bottles, I’m glad I have a cozy to go over them too. I chose to test the cozy over two different style of bottles: one being my bottle from LilKotasShop, you can check out that review here, and the other being my Unicorn bottle from DDLG Land, you can read that review here. The cozy fit nicely over both of them and wasn’t left all stretched out afterwards. The bottle from LilKotasShop is a 25oz bottle and is thicker while the unicorn bottle from DDLG Land is 16oz and a bit thinner so the cozies will work with a variety of sized bottles.

Photo is of a bottle with a pink rim with the lavender cozy over it.
Bottle cozy over DDLG Land Bottle

I find these bottle cozies really neat and they’re a nice accessory that can spruce up a plain bottle. I’m really looking forward to adding more of these bottle cozies to my collection. They make a great little accessory and are incredibly functional as well as cute

Plus size person wearing a onesie with pastel gummy bears on it. They are holding a bottle with a purple cozy on it to a bear's mouth.
The Bottle Cozy is over the bottle from LilKotasShop. Use code, REBELLA, for a discount from Lil Kotas Shop. Onesie is by Onesies Downunder.

If you’d like one for yourself, check out LittleKittCat’s Fetlife page and send her a message to discuss your order!

The Nursery Files: A Small Update.

Please note: This isn’t a series that I’m doing to brag about how privileged I am, how much stuff I have or to make others feel bad. Some have expressed interest in me documenting the process of me setting up my nursery/playroom and I figured here would be a great place to do so.

So I set a goal to have the nursery done by 5/9 or 5/10. That clearly did not happen. I noticed that my rocking horse, Ziggy, needed more repair than I expected due to some asshole deciding to carve into it at the last event I brought it to. Luckily, it was an easy fix but I can’t say that it didn’t bum me out especially as it happened almost two years ago and I never noticed it given where it was carved into. I had to take a few days off of working in the room to not only fix Ziggy but deal with the feelings I had; I was angry and sad and I didn’t want to bring that energy into finishing the room.

Now it is a new week and I’ve set a new deadline for this upcoming weekend, 5/16-17. I’m so close and I know I’ve been saying that but I really am. I need to get a new shelf because the color of the one I picked up the other day is wrong and then I just need to straighten up really and finish Ziggy. So this is exciting. At the very least by the end of the month the room will be done. I can’t wait to share the before and after photos and more of my thoughts about setting it up with you all. I’m still trying to decide the best way to do the photos, if I want to do a side by side thing or have a before and after section. But either way it’ll be done soon and I can continue the series and talk in more detail about the things I’ve learned along the way.

Thank you all for the support throughout this. ❤

A Little Guide to Me: Why I practice RACK and not SSC

// Please note: This is what works for me and these are my opinions. Your mileage may vary. Content in this post may be triggering to some. Reader discretion is advised. //

An ongoing discussion that I’ve seen on Fetlife over the last month is surrounding a photo of someone with a consensually given black eye and has inspired me to write this. In the comments of the photos this person has posted people are screaming from the mountain tops that this isn’t SSC (safe, sane and consensual) and how could they want this done and a bunch of other kink shaming bullshit disguised as concerns for safety.

I don’t believe in or practice SSC. It’s cool if that’s something that works for you but it is not something for me. I find it very limiting, fairly judgmental, and allows for, as seen by the comments on this person’s pictures, kinkshaming to be the norm if it isn’t something that fits within the “guidelines” of SSC. Instead, I practice RACK, which stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink and I don’t play with those who don’t also practice RACK.

Why do I practice RACK and not SSC?

I don’t believe that anything we do in BDSM is safe. Even ageplay or pet play or some of the kinks, fetishes, and lifestyles that are deemed “lighter” than things like impact, needles, or fire are not safe. Everything comes with a risk no matter how “tame” it may seem. SSC fails to acknowledge that and gives a false sense of security that what we do is safe. The topic of what is sane is super subjective; what I consider sane may not be what someone else considers sane and vice versa. It’s not a black and white concept and there’s tons of grey area. The only part of SSC that I agree with is the consensual part as consent is the backbone of what we do.

How did you settle on RACK?

When I first started going to events, I though SSC was the only way and that if you didn’t practice it you were unsafe. As I started to go to more events and talked with more people, I learned a lot about different consent theories and practices- RACK being one of them. The more I explored myself and my kinks, I came to the realization that a lot of what I liked is considered edge play and that RACK just fit better than SSC.

The types of scenes and play that I enjoy are often compared to real-life horrors; like being jumped or assaulted. This obviously may not be safe or sane to some but for me and my Daddy, it works for us. I’ve had buttons sewn over my eyes during a scene, which again, may not be safe or sane for some. Another reason why RACK works best for me is that Daddy and I don’t use safewords. We’ve been together long enough where if I need something in a scene, I just ask or he can read me very well. Has there been times where I should’ve said something or he didn’t pick up on something? Sure. But we’re okay with taking that risk when we play. I do not engage in this with anyone else other than him because that’s not something within my risk profile. So overall, RACK is just a better consent theory and practice for me/us.

Why don’t I play with SSC practitioners?

I don’t play with people who practice SSC for both their safety and my own. Even with negotiating there is often times a disconnect if something goes wrong in a scene that someone is then “unsafe.” Something will eventually go wrong in one of your scenes whether you’re a Top or a bottom; it does not make you inherently unsafe. With that being said, consent violations are not covered under RACK; everything being consensual is still a key component. What I’m referring to is accidentally wrapping if you’re flogging someone, moving right as an implement is going to make contact and causing a mishit, rope slipping, accidental bleeding or other things of an accidental nature. Acknowledging the risks involved in what we do does not take away any of the responsibility from either the Top or the bottom and a conversation should still happen afterwards to figure out how to figure out ways that whatever happened does not happen again.

Ultimately, you need to choose what is in your risk profile and what you are willing and not willing to do or experience. I think it’s very important that people explore different avenues of consent theories to see what fits for them best. Some people are more comfortable with the SSC model because it’s a lot more tidy, in my opinion, and others are willing to deal with the messes that can come with RACK. Regardless of which you practice, have fun and enjoy yourself!